Liam Neeson has a name that’s difficult to pronounce and remember, but he always gets picked to play those hardcore, serious mentor roles. Like Qui-Gon Jinn (the mentor of Obi-Wan Kenobi and the grandmentor of Darth Vader), for instance. Or all those Taken movies (bad guys really need to stop kidnapping Liam Neeson’s kids).

But have you ever stopped to wonder why we don’t cast someone like, say, Kevin Hart in those roles?

No please no. Credit: Kevin Hart Facebook Page

No please no. Credit: Kevin Hart Facebook Page

You’re cringing already, right? That’s because Kevin Hart has none of the awesome qualities that make Liam Neeson so amazing. In fact, you could think of Kevin Hart as the anti-Liam Neeson – he’s short, squeaky, presence-less, talent-less, and has one of the dumbest stares you’d ever see.

But back to Liam Neeson. Here’s why he’s so awesome. And here’s why, if he were ever to return as Force Spirit in Star Wars: The Last Jedi, I would immediately stand up and applaud.

1. He’s almost two metres tall 

Who's the tallest? Credit: Romis Film Group Facebook Page

Who’s the tallest? Credit: Romis Film Group Facebook Page

To be specific, he’s 1.93m (6’4″) tall. That’s just half a palm shorter than 2 full metres. All he needs to do is to wear some thick boots and he’ll be hitting the two metre mark. With that kind of height, he can literally look down on most people. And everyone is similarly literally looking up to him. That makes him all the more imposing, simply because he’s bigger than than the average person.

2. He’s got a rough, authoritarian voice

I'd throw away my phone in terror if I ever got a call like this. Credit: Lukman Isa Yoga Basyara Facebook Profile

I’d throw away my phone in terror if I ever got a call like this. Credit: Lukman Isa Yoga Basyara Facebook Profile

Liam Neeson’s cheesy line in Taken reached meme infamy not so much because of the literary merit of those words, but because of how he said them. His gravelly voice dripped murderous hatred with each word, and we knew that he meant every word. The voice is everything, so I can’t imagine how foreign language dubs of the film would have fared.

In contrast, can you imagine Kevin Hart’s shrill rendition of those lines? I’d laugh and then throw him a bone. Maybe two bones.

3. He’s got screen presence

Even when he's drinking, he's scary. Credit: Wallpapers with Movie Stars Facebook Page

Even when he’s drinking, he’s scary. Credit: Wallpapers with Movie Stars Facebook Page

Just look at those shots of Liam Neeson drinking sarlacc juice or something as Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Even though he’s performing a perfectly normal everyday act, you can feel him thinking about his next kill. That’s screen presence. That’s an aura that only seasoned thespians or deadly Jedi Masters can project. And Liam Neeson’s got it in spades.

Speaking of seasoned thespians…

4. He’s a real actor

Liam Neeson. Credit: Academy Facebook page

Liam Neeson. Credit: Academy Facebook page

Before hitting the silver screen, Liam Neeson was in theatre. That’s right, he’s got actual acting experience. He’s not some pretty boy model who got talent spotted and propelled into fame. This means he actually can emote and make us empathise with him – or fear him, as the case may be. The man’s got talent, and that means he’s a bona fide actor.

Unlike Kevin Hart, who probably just irritated people into putting him into films because they couldn’t get him to stop talking.

5. He has an intense stare

How long can you stare at this picture of Liam Neeson before it starts to stare back at you? Credit: Alatz Ugalde Facebook Profile

How long can you stare at this picture of Liam Neeson before it starts to stare back at you? Credit: Alatz Ugalde Facebook Profile

I dare you to stare at Liam Neeson in the above picture for more than a minute. Go on, I’ll wait.

Did you manage to do it? Or did your blood run cold at some point because you were afraid he might leap out of the screen and tear you to shreds?

That, my friends, is what an intense stare does to you. Liam Neeson can stare down anyone or anything. If he were to stare directly at you, he might burn holes in your eyeballs. His pupils are like mini Death Stars.

And talking about pupils…

Silence. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Silence. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Liam Neeson is so deadly that Spider-Man and Kylo Ren are his pupils. That’s because in Silence, Liam Neeson plays the missing mentor of Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver’s characters. The two Christian missionaries embark on a holy journey to Japan to find out what happened to their absent master. Because anything powerful enough to abduct Liam Neeson is probably going to one of the toughest obstacles they’ve ever faced.

And just look at the poster. They even give Liam Neeson’s name its own little superior space by the corner prefixed by an and. That’s hardcore, man. That’s something that Kevin Hart would never be able to achieve.

And Silence is definitely a movie we’d never, ever see Kevin Hart in, because he just can’t shut up.

 

 

 

Credits: Kevin Hart Facebook Page, Romis Film Group Facebook Page, Wallpapers with Movie Stars Facebook PageLukman Isa Yoga Basyara Facebook Profile, Academy Facebook PageAlatz Ugalde Facebook Profile, Golden Village Cinemas