If you live in a fictional universe where evil terrorist organisations have madcap plans every year for world domination, then there’s one thing that’s very clear.

Evil terrorist organisations are probably the biggest employers in any country, and probably the world. Think about it. To be a proper evil terrorist organisation, you need to hire:

  • enough soldiers or mercenaries to rival a country’s armed forces
  • enough scientists so that your R&D can outpace any large corporation
  • enough technicians and mechanics to build all those bases and weapons
  • enough corporate executives to keep everything running smoothly

 

They probably hire more than half the world’s population combined, given how many bad guys the heroes have to mow through every time there’s a global threat.

So here’s our ranking of the best evil terrorist organisations to work for. Think you can qualify for any of them?

6. Worst evil terrorist organisation to work for: Syndicate (Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation)

Atlee (Simon McBurney) in Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. Credit: Anatoly Gostev Facebook Profile

Atlee (Simon McBurney) in Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. Credit: Anatoly Gostev Facebook Profile

Syndicate appears in Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, but nobody believes it exists (at first). Nobody, that is, except for Ethan Hunt, who eventually discovers that it’s a black ops force that allows the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to assassinate targets without accountability. Unfortunately, it got hijacked by a former MI6 agent (Solomon Lane), and the MI6 head (Atlee) ends up covering up its existence after losing control of it.

Although they have access to billions of British pounds… don’t forget Brexit will impact the British Pound. So if you’re paid in pounds but you’re based elsewhere, you’re going to be losing out in the real value of your salary. Secondly, since it’s being disavowed by governments, you can’t get any dental or medical benefits (since all your information will be recorded). Finally, nobody knows about it. So you can’t put it down in your resume or list any references, since it doesn’t exist officially.

Who wants to be poorly paid and not be able to get a free seven-day MC for your wisdom tooth extraction (no dental benefits, remember)?

 

5. Cobra (G.I. Joe series)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Credit: Cineramatic Facebook Page

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Credit: Cineramatic Facebook Page

The second worst evil terrorist organisation to work for is definitely Cobra. The evil terrorist organisation appears in both G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra and G.I. Joe: Retaliation. If you’re an 80’s kid, you’ll remember Cobra from the animated G.I. Joe TV series, which had a high-pitched Cobra Commander repeatedly bungling evil schemes, despite having the military power of a global superpower and incredibly advanced technology.

The problem with Cobra is that it’s explicitly and publicly a terrorist organisation. You definitely can’t declare that you’re working for Cobra, and no country will willingly host Cobra. So you’re going to have to lie about your job for the rest of your life, no matter how well-paid it is. And you probably won’t want to participate in Cobra’s “Bring Your Kid To Work Day”.

The worst part? In the animated G.I. Joe TV series, Cobra is revealed to have been started by an ancient intelligent serpentine race that live in a city called Cobra-La. The leader of Cobra is actually one of those snake-like creatures, and his secret mission was to destroy humankind.

Would you want to work in a company that wants to destroy your species?

 

4. Virtucon Industries (from the Austin Powers series)

Dr Evil from the Austin Powers films series. Credit: Fansnstars Facebook Page

Dr Evil from the Austin Powers films series. Credit: Fansnstars Facebook Page

In the movies, Dr. Evil started an evil terrorist organisation in the 60’s, but then is cryogenically frozen for 30 years. When he returns in 1997, he discovers that his second-in-command, Number 2, has transformed it into a legitimate business empire. In fact, it makes enough money from its completely legal activities to be a powerful and profitable company.

So it’s actually a big, proper, wealthy multinational corporation that you can work for!

The problem starts when Dr Evil returns and wants to hatch evil schemes that are ultimately less profitable than the day-to-day operations of Virtucon Industries. Imagine working in a famous MNC, then suddenly having the management team become a group of psychotic tyrants. I mean, that happens in real life as well, but these are bosses who would want you to get “sharks with frigging lasers” for them.

Yep. It’s the management that makes Virtucon Industries a pain to work for.

 

3. SPECTRE (James Bond film series)

Christoph Waltz as Ernst Blofeld in SPECTRE. Credits: Fans of james bond

Christoph Waltz as Ernst Blofeld in SPECTRE. Credits: Fans of james bond

SPECTRE stands for SPecial Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. From the way it tries so hard to fit its name into an acronym, you know that it’s a massive, bureaucratic organisation that probably has a very defined corporate ladder to climb.

It was fairly successful in the James Bond films, being the recurring evil organisation that 007 faces in six of the first seven films (starting with Dr. No all the way until Diamonds Are Forever). If even James Bond couldn’t take them down, they’re probably pretty successful!

The evil organisation’s leader, Ernst Blofeld, finally meets his end in the eleventh film, For Your Eyes Only, although he isn’t named as such because of copyright reasons.

In the Daniel Craig reboot of the films, SPECTRE is revealed to have been the mastermind behind the events of all the films, and their leader is still Ernst Blofeld (played by Christoph Waltz) – the adoptive brother of James Bond himself!

Woah. If even the world’s greatest spy couldn’t figure out that his adoptive brother was behind all the espionage-related activities, it goes to show how powerful and hidden they were.

 

2. HYDRA (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

Hydra. Credit: Zuul's Stash Facebook Page

Hydra. Credit: Zuul’s Stash Facebook Page

In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson) is the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D., an international peacekeeping organisation that forms the Avengers. They’re also the ones who’ve been keeping tab on the prospective members of the Avengers, and seem to be omniscient and all powerful.

Until Captain America: The Winter Soldier – where it’s revealed that the evil terrorist organisation that Captain America fought in World War II, HYDRA, has secretly been in S.H.I.E.L.D. all along. They were growing like a parasite within S.H.I.E.L.D., and manipulating all their actions all along.

That means if you’re a HYDRA agent, you could be earning double the amount you would at a regular evil terrorist organisation. You would be paid by S.H.I.E.L.D., and you would be paid by HYDRA. As a result, they’re probably the best paying evil terrorist organisation that you could work for.

 

Best evil terrorist organisation to work for: The Golden Circle (Kingsman: The Golden Circle)

Julianne Moore as Poppy Adams, in Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Credits: Kingsman: The Golden Circle Facebook Page

Julianne Moore as Poppy Adams, in Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Credits: Kingsman: The Golden Circle Facebook Page

The Golden Circle is led by Poppy Adams (Julianne Moore) in Kingsman: The Golden Circle, and it’s a secret New World Order organisation. They’re so deadly that they manage to destroy Kingsman’s headquarters, forcing them to go to the United States and look for their American counterparts, Statesman.

Their success rate is so high that it takes two spy organisations to defeat them (we presume). No other evil terrorist organisation on this list is that powerful.

They’re the best evil terrorist organisation to work for – period.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Credit: Kingsman: The Golden Circle Facebook Page

Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

In Kingsman: The Golden Circle, they have to defeat the eponymous Golden Circle. But if you take a look at the symbol in the background of the poster, it’s not just a golden circle in the background – there’s some sort of pattern on it. We’re betting that the symbol of the Golden Circle will play a big part in the movie itself.

Check it out for yourself, and find out how Harry Hart (Colin Firth) comes back to life, despite being shot in the head in Kingsman: The Secret Service.

 

Credits: Anatoly Gostev Facebook Profile, Cineramatic Facebook PageFansnstars Facebook Page, Fans of james bond Facebook Page, Zuul’s Stash Facebook Page, Golden Village Cinemas