Movies used to get turned into games – but now, games get turned into movies, just like Warcraft: The Beginning. Warcraft was a popular RTS (real-time strategy game, meaning that your troops act at the same time you do and nobody waits for you to finish your turn before attacking!) that simulated two warring races, Orcs and Humans. By the time Warcraft III rolled around, Night Elves and Undead had become part of the four starting races you could choose to play, each with their own strengths and weaknesses.

So what if “Singaporeans” were a playable race in Warcraft IV? We’d be Humans, of course, but a very special breed of Humans. So here’s a special edition of The Popping Post where we reimagine Singaporeans as a Warcraft race!

Our description would probably read something like this:

Hailing from a little red dot off the Veiled Sea, these plucky humans have developed their own culture and weapons away from the wars that plague the rest of Azeroth. Their technology has evolved past the rest of the planet, although they have yet to learn the ways of magic. They are allies with the Pandaren. Isolated for centuries, the Singaporeans are now ready to join the battle for Azeroth.

So what units will we have?

1. Ah Beng (Footman)

A Footman would be an Ah Beng. Credits: Battle.net & My Blog City

A Footman would be an Ah Beng. Credits: Battle.net & My Blog City

Of course our default melee unit would be Ah Bengs! Literally, though, our melee units would all come from the SAF, but let’s be a little imaginative and pull them from regular Singaporean stereotypes. Prone to violence and cursing, the Ah Beng is a fierce fighter who’ll stop at nothing to get a discount. If he’s overwhelmed, he’ll use his handphone to summon even more Ah Bengs to help him win the fight!

Special Ability: Simi Taiji – Demoralises opponents.

2. Ah Lian (Sorceress)

A Sorceress would be an Ah Lian. Credits: Battle.net & Alvinology Facebook Page

A Sorceress would be an Ah Lian. Credits: Battle.net & Alvinology Facebook Page

The Sorceress is capable of using magic to achieve many different effects, just like how the typical Ah Lian can seduce men into achieving those effects for her. Don’t be fooled by her passive-aggressiveness though, the Sorceress able to unleash unstoppable fury, just like real life Ah Lian Serene Seet! That small lass is a bundle of fire who hides an explosive zaogeng flying kick, which not only deals heavy damage to opponents, but also mesmerises male ones.

Special Ability: Flying Zaogeng Kick – The Ah Lian deals heavy damage to a single target, then hypnotises an opponent to fight for her for 5 minutes.

3. Hipster (Knight)

A Knight would be a Hipster. Credits: Battle.net & Mothership

A Knight would be a Hipster. Credits: Battle.net & Mothership

The heavy melee unit of Singaporeans would, of course, be a Hipster. He even has the same type of nonsensical facial hair as the Knight! Why a heavy melee unit, you ask? Well, a Hipster usually flaunts his exquisite taste with all the subtlety of a giant club, hitting you with the full force of his disdain from afar. You mean you’re not drinking a ristretto? Shame on you!

Special Ability: So Hip It Hurts – The Hipster judges the fashion sense of his enemies, stunning them with his look of contempt.

4. MRT (Siege Engine)

A Siege Engine would be an MRT train. Credits: Battle.net & The Straits Times

A Siege Engine would be an MRT train. Credits: Battle.net & The Straits Times

Finally, we have a heavy attack vehicle that deals tonnes of damage like a Siege Engine. And that would be an MRT train. Firstly, an MRT train hitting you at full speed is pretty much a siege engine. Secondly, the cumulative economic cost of the train breakdowns has probably hit a billion dollars by now, which hits the economy exactly like a siege engine.

Special Ability: Train Fault – The MRT train breaks down at the worst possible juncture for the enemy, dealing maximum damage for as long as it stops.

 

All these units have to come from somewhere, right? So here are our Uniquely Singapore structures.

5. Shopping Centre (Town Hall)

A Town Hall would be a Shopping Centre. Credits: Battle.net & Budget Hotels sg

A Town Hall would be a Shopping Centre. Credits: Battle.net & Budget Hotels sg

The Town Hall is the nexus of any race’s base, since it is how raw materials are processed into usable resources. Kind of like the Shopping Centre, which is where everyone goes to restock, relax, and recuperate. Any neighbourhood without a shopping centre isn’t worth going to these days.

6. HDB Flat (Farm)

A Farm would be a HDB Flat. Credits: Battle.net & Virtual Office Singapore

A Farm would be a HDB Flat. Credits: Battle.net & Virtual Office Singapore

In the Warcraft games, Farms act as a limit on how many soldiers you can have – the more Farms you have, the more soldiers you can support. Similarly, if Singaporeans were a Warcraft race we’d need to build HDB Flats to increase our supply troops. All those Ah Bengs, Ah Lians, and Hipsters need to go somewhere to sleep right?

7. Handphone Shop (Barracks)

A Barracks would be a Handphone Shop. Credits: Battle.net & Taj Electronics

A Barracks would be a Handphone Shop. Credits: Battle.net & Taj Electronics

Barracks are where soldiers are trained (produced) in Warcraft games. A bit like the Handphone Shop, where Ah Bengs and Ah Lians hail from. But what about Hipsters, you ask? Even Hipsters need to go to the Handphone Shop – they can’t be caught dead without a suitably fashionable but spartan handphone cover, right?

8. Workshop (MRT Depot)

A Workshop would be an MRT Depot. Credits: Battle.net & WT Partnership

A Workshop would be an MRT Depot. Credits: Battle.net & WT Partnership

And finally, a Workshop would be where attack vehicles like the Siege Engine are built. The Singaporean equivalent would be an MRT Depot, where trains are built and repaired. They even have the same features if you look carefully!

Warcraft: The Beginning. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Warcraft: The Beginning. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

If that’s got your imagination all fired up to go play another round of Warcraft, then you’ve got to catch Warcraft: The Beginning! It tells the tale of the epic war between the Humans and the Orcs and how it all began. You’ll finally get to see the World of Warcraft come to life in this fantasy film!

Catch Warcraft: The Beginning in cinemas now, then go home and replay your Warcraft campaigns!

 

Credits: Battle.net, My Blog City, Alvinology Facebook Page, Mothership, The Straits Times, Budget Hotels Sg, Virtual Office Singapore, Taj Electronics, WT Partnership, Golden Village Singapore