Have you noticed how Spider-Man’s rogues gallery comprises zoo escapees?

I’m not kidding here, Spider-Man fights the Lizard, the Vulture, Doctor Octopus, Rhino, Scorpion, Beetle, and a whole host of other villains with excellent costume designs and terribly lazy names. It’s like they drew animal flash cards for babies out of a hat.

Have to admit that Spidey's villains look cool though. Credit: LATINO REVIEW MEDIA Facebook Page

Have to admit that Spidey’s villains look cool though. Credit: LATINO REVIEW MEDIA Facebook Page

That’s not why he’s so insanely popular though. If you’re familiar with Spider-Man comics, then you’ll know that Spidey’s popularity comes from the fact that he’s just like an everyday guy with super powers.

He faces the same problems we do, like a horrid love life, constantly having no cash, and a dependent (Aunt May) who keeps getting kidnapped. It’s almost as if his superhero life were a metaphor for everyday life, and his villains were actually people he would meet in the course of work…

So here’s why we’re all Spider-Men. We face the same villains he does, except that they manage to maintain a guise of normalcy with corporate clothes and high heels. Here are the six types of Spider-Man villains that we meet at work everyday. You could even call them – the Sinister Six.

1. Doctor Octopus

Have you met Lady Octopus? Credit: Sean Canfield Facebook Profile

Have you met Lady Octopus? Credit: Sean Canfield Facebook Profile

You’ve definitely met a colleague like this. She’s always juggling multiple projects. CC-ed on every email. A part of every committee, be it the Christmas Party Planning Committee or the Chinese New Year Decorations Committee. She literally has a finger in every pie – and there are definitely more than ten pies going around.

She’s the Doctor Octopus. It’s almost as if she has four additional arms, for a total of eight appendages. In the comics, a second Doctor Octopus arose to replace the first one, and she dubbed herself “Lady Octopus”.

 

2. Rhino

Spidey vs Rhino. Credit: Your Daily Marvel Facebook Page

Spidey vs Rhino. Credit: Your Daily Marvel Facebook Page

You’ve met a colleague like this before, for sure. He’s not necessarily always big and loutish, but he’s always angry. Always. The only way he knows how to get things done is by getting angry and shouting at people or typing IN ALL CAPS AND IN RED.

You can’t deny the effectiveness of the Rhino, because he gets things done. It’s just that he only ever has that one tactic – getting angry to get what he wants – and if that doesn’t work, he just gets more angry. Until something or someone gives way.

Best to stay away from the Rhino.

 

3. Venom

Here’s a quick refresher on Venom. He’s Eddie Brock, an unethical reporter who ended up getting exposed thanks to Spider-Man. He ends up bonding with a black alien costume (that also hates Spider-Man, because it was rejected by Peter Parker) and they become Venom, an evil double of Spider-Man. Venom hates Spider-Man with a deep, burning hatred, mostly because he got slighted by him so long ago.

You probably have a colleague like that at work. Maybe you were sick one day and he had to end up taking the minutes for a meeting and he hated you forever after that for being sick (true story). Or maybe you just happened to not agree with him on a particular project. Whatever it is, he unfriended you on Facebook, constantly disses you to other friends, and really really hates you thanks to that one (perceived) slight that one time.

That’s your Venom.

And also, dude, taking minutes is not that difficult.

4. Lizard

The Lizard is Doctor Curt Connors, a biologist who lost an arm in an accident. After experimenting with lizard DNA in an attempt to regrow his limbs, he ends up becoming a giant lizard. He does get his arm back, though.

You know who the Lizard is like? That meek, quiet colleague who turns into a maniac when he gets drunk. You’d never expect him to become a sleazebag, but all it takes is one or two drinks to turn him into someone who’s completely unrecognisable. Just like how an unassuming biologist turns into a reptilian monster.

If you don’t recall anyone being the Lizard at post-work drinks, then it’s likely that you are the Lizard. Doc Connors doesn’t remember anything he does as the Lizard, either.

5. Kingpin

Vincent D'Onofrio as the Kingpin in Daredevil. Credit: Daredevil Facebook Page

Vincent D’Onofrio as the Kingpin in Daredevil. Credit: Daredevil Facebook Page

The Kingpin might be more popular as a Daredevil villain now, but he was originally a Spider-Man villain. A crime lord who was behind virtually every major villain in the city, the Kingpin was the true mastermind of New York’s underworld. Spider-Man can never take him down, since he’s a legitimate businessman by day, and all he can do is just foil as many of the Kingpin’s schemes as possible.

You know who the Kingpin is in your office? Your boss.

6. Green Goblin

In almost every incarnation of the Green Goblin, whether he’s Norman Osborn or Harry Osborn, you always see him with loads of gear. His Goblin Glider is basically a flying motorised skate scooter, and he’s usually wielding his Pumpkin Bombs, which are powerful explosives. He also wears a mechanised suit that enhances his strength and agility. His powers take a backseat to the gear that he’s always toting.

He’s just like that guy who always has the latest gear in the office. Whether it’s the newest iPhone, the recently released PS4/5/6/7, or even some mobile phone accessories, this is the guy who’s the real Green Goblin. His gear defines him, rather than the other way around.

And he’s usually a bit mad, too.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (Golden Village Cinemas)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (Golden Village Cinemas)

To be honest, our mundane lives can’t compare to Spider-Man’s. After his adventure in Avengers 2.5 Captain America: Civil War, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is just itching to get back into some superhero action! However, he has to learn that with great power comes great responsibility, and that he also needs a new villain with a name culled from the zoo if he wants more superhero action. Fortunately there’s Batman Vulture (Michael Keaton) who’s ready to take down this little squirt in Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Will this be the greatest Spider-Man film ever? We’ll leave you to be the judge of Spider-Man: Homecoming, but we’ve heard very, very good things about it.

 

 

Credits: LATINO REVIEW MEDIA Facebook Page, Sean Canfield Facebook Profile, Your Daily Marvel Facebook Page, Daredevil Facebook Page, Golden Village Cinemas