Adulting is tough. You can’t watch Sesame Street without being judged once you turn 21 – but who doesn’t like watching colourful, furry Muppets interacting with humans? You could watch Avenue Q, but musicals are expensive. So it’s fortunate that we’ve got The Happytime Murders coming in to fill that Muppet-shaped void in our hearts. It’s an adult murder mystery set in a world of humans and Muppets – without losing any of the humour that’s made watching Muppets so fun. Of course, that humour has now been raised to more risque levels, but what’s the point of making an adult Muppet film if you can’t work in a more… diverse variety of humour?

But now that we’re adults – some questions come to mind. How exactly do the Muppets survive in a world that’s clearly built and designed for humans? That didn’t matter so much on Sesame Street, but in a world filled with prostitutes, drugs, and guns… how exactly do these things affect the puppets of The Happytime Murders?

Here are all the questions we had – and we’re sure you had them too.

 

1. How do puppets have sex?

Alice Dinnean and Donna Kimball as Sheila and Diane, the Rotten Cotten Girls, in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Alice Dinnean and Donna Kimball as Sheila and Diane, the Rotten Cotten Girls, in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

As we’ve seen in the trailer for The Happytime Murders, puppet hookers exist – Sheila and Diane, the Rotten Cotten Girls. We also see see main puppet character Phil (Bill Baretta) having sex with Sandra Jakoby (Dorien Davies) – where they have hip thrusting action that’s pretty similar to how humans have passionate sex.

Then Phil pulls out at the last minute and starts ejaculating everywhere (and we mean everywhere). It’s clear that male puppets produce semen and it’s meant to go into female puppets – but we don’t quite see the exact anatomy of the puppets or how it works. In addition, we hardly ever see the bodily fluid of puppets (including blood).

We know Sandra’s pubes are purple since Connie (Melissa McCarthy) says so (despite Sandra having light orange skin and dark orange hair), so… does that mean all puppet pubes are purple (or does the colour differ from puppet to puppet)? How do they get pregnant? Doesn’t this require copious amounts of body fluids? Because if it does…

 

2. How do puppets handle getting wet?

Squirting in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Squirting in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

We all know that these puppets have felt-like materials for skin (like fleece or fur). In some cases, they might even be hairier (like Cookie Monster). If you’ve ever gotten felt wet before, you’ll know how difficult it is to handle and how bad it smells.

So what happens when they have sex? There’s clearly a lot of wetness going on, and the trailer handily shows all of Phil’s semen landing away from Sandra.

Yet the equivalent of blood in a puppet’s body is foam or feathers, as evidenced when they get shot. Where does all the semen come from? How does it not get the foam/feathers inside wet? How do female puppet bodies process being inseminated? How do liver transplants work?

 

3. How are humans and puppets biologically compatible?

Puppets getting splattered in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Puppets getting splattered in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

The film begins with Connie (Melissa McCarthy) having already received a puppet liver transplant (due to a gunshot wound she received). The thing is… a puppet liver would clearly be a cushion of some sort. How would that help a normal human (try inserting a cushion as a replacement for your liver)?

The puppet liver has consequences for Connie, of course. She ends up with a sugar addiction (eh… don’t all modern humans have a sugar addiction?) due to the puppet liver. And that’s it! There’s no risk of rejection (a concern for liver transplant patients) or any other complications. She just goes on living her life, except that she’s addicted to sugar (which doesn’t impact her health in a way that would, you know, affect normal human beings).

We have so many questions about this! How would a puppet liver be large enough for a human (imagine trying to squeeze a human liver into the body of a puppet)? In fact, it seems like puppets can accommodate any appendage of a human, given the fact that Connie is propositioned with a blowjob. In fact…

 

4. How do puppets use human-sized devices and machines?

Connie (Melissa McCarthy) getting offered a blowjob in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Connie (Melissa McCarthy) is offered a blowjob in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Puppets are clearly living in a world made for humans, since they’re much shorter and smaller than the furniture and things they interact with. Yet they’re seen using guns, cups, poker chips and straws that are clearly meant for humans.

And since puppet hookers clearly have mammaries… do they need support the way human ones do? Are puppet bras a thing? Can they use human-sized ones?

Speaking of cups, it’s clear that obvious that the puppet gangsters in the film drink (since they have drinks around them). But since drinks are wet (and generally speaking, most types of food are), that raises the question…

 

5. How do puppets eat?

Gangsters in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Gangsters in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

We’ve already established that they life gets difficult when you’re a wet puppet. In addition, puppet innards are made of dry stuffing (foam or feathers). Yet they also eat human foods (such as sugar, but more on that later) and take human drinks, which means that they have to digest it somehow.

Well… how does it work? If they’re anything like humans (or other living beings at that), once they’re done eating, they’ll need to pass motion. Do they have dry faeces? Is their excreta dry?

What counts for puppet nutrition, anyway? To puppets, sugar is the equivalent of heroin (so after Connie’s liver transplant, she has the puppet equivalent of a drug addiction), so puppet biology definitely doesn’t work the same way human biology does. Speaking of which…

 

6. How do puppets take drugs?

Connie (Melissa McCarthy) snorting drugs in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Connie (Melissa McCarthy) snorting drugs in The Happytime Murders. Credit: YouTube

Connie snorts it, but that’s not an option for all puppets – many of them have no noses (and those who do have no nostrils). They could inject drugs, but liquids would pose a problem if they were stuck into a body full of dry foam. They could swallow the drugs – but we don’t know how their digestive system works.

It’s mind-boggling, to say the least. Also, what happens when puppets take human drugs? Sugar acts as heroin to them, so if puppets take heroin – would it be the equivalent of sugar to humans?

The Happytime Murders. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

The Happytime Murders. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

The best way to get your answers is to watch the puppets in action for yourself in The Happytime Murders! In a gritty world of puppets and people, estranged police partners Connie (Melissa McCarthy) and Phil (Bill Baretta) must work together to solve a string of grisly puppet murders. There’s more than meets the eye to this murder though, since the puppet victims seem to be linked to a popular puppet sitcom that everyone used to know and love.

And if your birthday happens to fall this month (or you were born in 2000), you’ll get a chance to participate in an exciting Lucky Draw with the GV Movie Club Birthday Screening: The Happytime Murders! To celebrate GV Movie Club’s 11th birthday, members can enjoy The Happytime Murders along with a special Popcorn Cupcake and Nanowhite Fresh Skincare sample! If you turn 18 this year or your birthday is in September, you’ll also get a chance to win a Nanowhite Fresh Skincare Kit worth $58 – which more than covers the $11 price of the ticket! But it’s open only to members – so you hurry and sign up if you haven’t! Muppets not included.

It’s definitely no Sesame, all Street in The Happytime Murders.

 

Credits: Golden Village Cinemas, YouTube

Follow The Popping Post on Facebook and Instagram for more fun and exciting reads!