Quentin Tarantino is fond of using archetypes in his storytelling, and this is especially so in The Hateful Eight. Set in the late 1800s, it’s about eight strangers who are trapped in a stagecoach stopover during a blizzard – except that each of the eight strangers represents a certain archetype, like The Bounty Hunter or The Prisoner. Imagine the characters he’d use if the story were set in Singapore!

True, we might never feasibly have a blizzard (ponding, maybe, but “Eight Strangers Join Forces To Survive Ponding” doesn’t quite have that dramatic ring to it), but it’ll still be amusing to see eight classic Singaporeans trapped in a shopping centre during a heatwave (and it’d be renamed Buay Tahan Eight to boot).

So here are eight Singapore stereotypes (not archetypes, since our country isn’t old enough to spawn those) that would make an awesome remake of The Hateful Eight.

The Lobang King (in lieu of The Bounty Hunter)

The iconic Lobang Kings. Credit: The New Paper

The iconic Lobang Kings. Credit: The New Paper

Bounty hunters are known to be able to capture anyone. Look at Boba Fett – wait, wrong movie and bad example. But if you check out the definition of bounties, it actually encompasses tasks, rather than people. Being able to perform any task – that sounds like getting a good lobang, doesn’t it? A Lobang King is able to get you any lobang by dint of his endless connections, so he’d be the Singaporean substitute for The Bounty Hunter!

The Cleaning Auntie (in lieu of The Hangman)

Cleaning aunties. Credit: Singapore Cleaning Services

Cleaning aunties. Credit: Singapore Cleaning Services

The Hangman sounds like a guy who does the dirty deeds that nobody wants to do, like executions. You know who else does that? The Cleaning Auntie. She cleans our toilets, mops up spilt coffee and empties our dustbins. The closest we come to cleaning anything public is wiping down the toilet seat before sitting on it. The Cleaning Auntie will be exceptionally useful in The Hateful Eight, since she’ll make sure that everything is clean and spotless when they wake up in the morning.

The Chiobu (in lieu of The Prisoner)

Singapore has many chiohbus. Credit: scene.sg

Singapore has many chiobus. Credit: scene.sg

Also known as the damsel in distress. The Prisoner is even played by the only lady in the main cast, Jennifer Jason Leigh! One key trait about such damsels is that they’re really pretty, which describes The Chiobu perfectly. The Chiobu is also known for being completely helpless and requiring The Ah Beng to help her open doors, buy dinner and open potato chip bags, which fits her role as The Prisoner even better! It’s a pity The Ah Beng isn’t part of the Buay Tahan Eight.

The Prefect (in lieu of The Sheriff)

Booking people from a young age. Credit: Christ Church Grammar School

Booking people from a young age. Credit: Christ Church Grammar School

Remember who used to book you if you came in late for assembly? The Prefect. He or she embodied the idea of law enforcement when we were kids, more so than police officers do now. Now, The Sheriff in The Hateful Eight is most likely going to be the one who’s going to keep everyone in order, so who better to do that in real life than The Prefect?

The Expatriate (in lieu of The Mexican)

They might even be from Mexico. Credit: Internations Blog

They might even be from Mexico. Credit: InterNations Blog

The Mexican is clearly the foreigner in the film, and his culture will probably be at odds with the other characters. He might even be misunderstood in regular conversations! Which describes The Expatriate pretty well, especially in his or her first few months. Regardless of the country, The Expatriate is usually distinctly uncomfortable with the customs of the host country, as well as being homesick for their native cuisine. And honestly, isn’t The Expatriate’s English rather difficult to decipher at times?

The Wannabe (in lieu of The Little Man)

Want to be like me? Credit: Clippix

Want to be like me? Credit: Clippix

It might be a stereotype, but The Little Man sounds like he constantly has something to prove. That’s very much like The Wannabe, who’s always jumping on the latest hipster trend to prove he’s hipster (ironically, following all the hipster trends is the most un-hipster thing to do). The Wannabe sounds just as irritating as The Little Man, which means he’s a great stand-in for the Singapore team.

The Civil Servant (in lieu of The Confederate)

Work work. Credit: ZDNet

Work work. Credit: ZDNet

The Confederate sounds like an agent of the government, which is what The Civil Servant would be in our context. Concerned with patriotism, following government rules and paperwork, The Civil Servant is efficient in the weirdest of ways., The Civil Servant is a great person to have on your side, but a pain when it comes to administration and bureaucracy.

The Cow Puncher (in lieu of The Dog Catcher)

Woof! Credit: Qyk

Woof! Credit: Qyk

A Cow Puncher is actually a cowboy (confession: I had to Google this one), which basically means someone who herds cows. But we don’t have many cows here (unless you head to Coney Island) so the closest equivalent would be The Dog Catcher. Both require superb animal handling skills, although The Dog Catcher probably can’t ride a horse. He’d be prowling the streets in a van.

The Hateful Eight poster. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

The Hateful Eight poster. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Colourful characters are just half the story though – it’s how they interact that really matters! Check out what happens when they’re trapped in an inn in The Hateful Eight!

Credits: The New Paper, Singapore Cleaning Services, scene.sg, Christ Church Grammar School, InterNations Blog, Clippix, ZDNet, Qyk, Golden Village Cinemas