In X-Men: Apocalypse, Professor X has effectively set up his own BMTC (Basic Military Training Centre) for mutants (people born with special power). After all, when he says he’s “training them to use their powers wisely,” he’s actually teaching them how to fight using their mutant abilities. Don’t believe him when he calls them students, they’re really soldiers – no, commandos!

Hey, that’s an entrepreneurial idea – setting up a mutant school in Singapore! But you’d run into so many problems because it’s not easy to set up your educational institution in our country. Plus, Professor X’s school gets destroyed every two X-Men movies so that will definitely send the insurance premiums skyrocketing. As much as we’d love to have Xavier Secondary School for Mutants in Singapore, that’s virtually impossible.

So here’s six reasons why we’re not going to see X-Men: Singapore any time soon, if ever.

1. So many licenses and forms and certifications to procure

So many forms. Credit: Housing Wire

So many forms. Credit: Housing Wire

First, Professor X will need to register as a business (unless he is not going to collect school fees), so there’s ACRA and IRAS registration. Then you’ll need to register it as a PEI (Private Education Institution). He will also have to make sure it’s MOE-certified. Plus all his teachers have to be trained at the National Institute of Education (NIE). If he is planning to offer tertiary level education, he will need to partner with an existing, recognised university so he can hand out degrees. And there’s insurance, GST registration, Central Provident Fund registration for his employees… better pray there’s no HFMD (Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease) outbreak or you’ll have the National Environment Agency to deal with too.

Even Quicksilver wouldn’t be able to do this all by himself.

2. X-Men will be mistaken for Ex-Men

 

Imagine being a filial grandson telling your elderly grandmother who has never seen a mutant before, that you’re an X-Man. She’ll hear it as “ex-man” and, depending on how liberal she is, lament/celebrate your decision. If you’re a woman, she’ll think she has Alzheimer’s because she’s never recalled her dear granddaughter being a man before (since you’re an “ex-man”).

Plus, you’ll have to contend with the question: “Where did you do your sex change surgery?”

3. What stream are mutants in?

Don't be fooled by their adorable appearances - these little tykes might actually be powerful mutants. Credit: salary.sg

Don’t be fooled by their adorable appearances – these little tykes might actually be powerful mutants. Credit: salary.sg

Mutant powers come with differing levels of lethality and usefulness (look at Mystique and Magneto, for example). So at Primary level, in addition to streaming them for English and Mother Tongue (EM1, EM2, EM3), you will need to account for their mutant powers as well. So now what, EM-M1 and EM-M2 and EM-M3?

It gets even worse at Secondary level. You can’t put them in the Special stream because there’s already a Special stream. Will you add a Normal (Mutant) in addition to Normal (Academic) and Normal (Technical)? Do O-Levels have a subject called Mutant (and what is the subject code for that)? What’s the marking rubric for a Band 1 grade in Mutant?

Fighting Apocalypse seems like a breeze compared to teaching mutants.

4. Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters isn’t for GEP students

Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters. Credit: Comic Vine

Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters. Credit: Comic Vine

So Professor X’s mutant school is called “Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.” Fair enough, “gifted” is as good a euphemism as any for “mutant.” But gifted means something completely different in Singapore – and you’re gifted only if you pass a series of very stressful and difficult tests in Primary 3 (the GEP Selection Test and Screening Test). Set up a school with the word “gifted” in it and you’ll have all sorts of kiasu parents knocking on your door to enrol.

Also, if your school has the word “gifted” in it, MOE will definitely give you a ring. That’s another license you’ll have to contend with…

5. Who will give tuition to mutants?

Does your desk look like this? Credit: The Nanyang Chronicle

Does your desk look like this? Credit: The Nanyang Chronicle

Tuition is a fact of life for any Singaporean student. So your hardworking mutants will surely go around looking for extra tuition. But do you know of any tuition centres for mutants? There are so few regulations on tuition centres that really, anyone could set up a mutant tuition centre and you wouldn’t know if they were qualified. Private tutors are an option, sure, but a good one is even harder to come by.

A tuition centre for mutants sounds like an even better entrepreneurial venture though!

6. Should mutants be registered under ICA or AVA?

So what would you classify Professor X (James McAvoy) as? What kind of professor is he anyway? Maybe we'll find out in X-Men Apocalypse. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

So what would you classify Professor X (James McAvoy) as? What kind of professor is he anyway? Maybe we’ll find out in X-Men Apocalypse. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

If you take a look at your IC, there’s no place to indicate that you are a mutant. Sure, you could put it under race, but mutants can be Chinese, Malay, Indian, or Eurasian. Mutants are, technically, a different species from humans, but it would be politically incorrect to register them under the Animal and Birds Act. Plus, it’s not like AVA hands out ICs to non-human living creatures. It’s a nightmare to figure out how to classify mutants. And after that, you’ll get welfare associations like AMARE (Association of Mutants for Action and Research) springing up.

It’s a political minefield, this one.

Poster for X-Men Apocalypse. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Poster for X-Men Apocalypse. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Luckily, X-Men Apocalypse doesn’t take place in the real world, so they don’t have to worry about all these issues. All they have to do in the movie is make sure that the super powerful mutant Apocalypse doesn’t lay waste to the planet. Catch the X-Men in action and watch our merry mutants pummel their foes in X-Men Apocalypse!

If you’re a super fan, catch all three James McAvoy-era X-Men films in the X-Men Movie Marathon! You’ll need to be a true blue mutant for this one, and you’ll stand to win tickets to the Gold Coast in a lucky draw! Who knows, you might even get to glimpse Hugh Jackman there too – if you’re lucky!

Credits: Housing Wire, salary.sg, Comic Vine, The Nanyang Chronicle, Golden Village Cinemas