Tom Cruise’s latest flick sees him playing Ethan Hunt Jack Reacher, an action hero with amazing combat skills who gets embroiled in web of deceit. But where did Jack Reacher get all that combat training? Turns out, he was a former military man.

Not all former soldiers get to lead such a glamorous life, though! If Jack Reacher were a former SAF regular, he wouldn’t be gallivanting around the country, evading capture while swiftly apprehending bad guys. Instead, his life would be a lot quieter. He might still be famous, but there’s going to be a lot less somersaulting and running for his life.

So here are six occupations that Jack Reacher would have if he were in Singapore – and the title of the film to go along with it.

1. Jack Reacher: Never Gostan (CEO of a rail company)

Train training. Credit: Channel Newsasia

Train training. Credit: Channel Newsasia

One of the most prestigious positions you can aspire to after your military career is as the CEO of a large transport corporation. Plus, CEO (Chief Executive Officer) is just one letter more than CO (Commanding Officer), and they even have the word “officer” in the title. You can just cut and paste your old job title into your new position when you’re updating LinkedIn. So simple.

So what would Jack Reacher do as a CEO of a train corporation? He would ensure the trains never gostan (Singlish for “reverse”), of course! If a train gostans it would smack into the train behind. So in Jack Reacher: Never Gostan, he would have to foil a dastardly plot to send all trains moving backwards in an attempt to create a co-ordinated mass train crash.

2. Jack Reacher: Never Go Home (Minister)

We all feel like this on Monday, but every day is Monday for a Minister. Credit: ViralCow

We all feel like this on Monday, but every day is Monday for a Minister. Credit: ViralCow

Another option for Jack Reacher in Singapore is to enter politics. Ministers earn a lot, but they also work punishing hours for their salary. Between all the Meet-The-People sessions, Guest-of-Honour appearances, and being quoted out of context about how much space is needed to have sex in Singapore, being a Minister means you’re hardly home to see your kids.

So in Jack Reacher: Never Go Home, we’d see Jack Reacher desperately trying to clear all his e-mails and answer his WhatsApp messages so that he can go home on time to catch the next episode of Crimewatch.

3. Jack Reacher: Never Go Corporate (Entrepreneur)

Startup life. Credit: eOffice

Startup life. Credit: eOffice

Maybe Jack Reacher has had too much of regimentation and structure in the army. He can go in the completely opposite direction and become an entrepreneur, where the only rule is: there are no rules! Filled with stress, uncertainty, but the possibility of making millions, Jack Reacher would pursue his dreams while resisting the temptation to join a lucrative high-paying job in a large, stable company.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Corporate would have Jack Reacher working 14 hours a day and earning peanuts, while constantly being tempted to go back to the corporate life by constant Jobs Central updates.

4. Jack Reacher: Never Call Back (Insurance agent)

Insurance. Credit: InsuranceHotline.com

Insurance. Credit: InsuranceHotline.com

A perfectly viable solution for Jack Reacher is to become an insurance agent after his military career. While there are really good insurance agents out there who were former SAF regulars (in fact, my current agent used to be in the army and he’s awesome), you can’t deny that there are also bad insurance agents who make cold calls as if they were giving orders to their men.

So Jack Reacher: Never Call Back would chronicle the experiences of Jack Reacher as he cold calls potential clients and gets told never to call back again.

5. Jack Reacher: Sometimes Go Back (Taxi driver)

Taxi! Credit: Yahoo!

Taxi! Credit: Yahoo!

If he’s diligent enough (and willing to pick up passengers when it is raining), then Jack Reacher could make quite a bit as a taxi driver, or even a Grab/Uber driver. He’d be a friendly cabbie who’ll regale passengers with stories of the time he had to run 50 rounds around his camp as punishment.

And we all know that the best and most honest taxi drivers are the ones who will drive all the way back to return a wallet that the passenger left behind. Sure, it might mean less business, but Jack Reacher: Sometimes Go Back would be the heartwarming tale of a taxi driver who strives to do his best.

6. Jack Reacher: Never Fix Back (Facilities Manager)

Many hands make light work unless they are all your hands. Credit: HandyMan StartUp

Many hands make light work unless they are all your hands. Credit: HandyMan StartUp

Finally, Jack Reacher can pursue a career as an facilities manager once he leaves the army. The job scope is pretty much the same in theory – firefighting and problem solving. The facilities manager is the first person you call when something breaks down, and they’ll be the ones who make sure that your clogged toilet bowl can flush again. I know I’ve contributed to more than my fair share of unflushable toilets, so to all the facilities managers I’ve terrorised – thank you!

Jack Reacher: Never Fix Back would be a film about Jack Reacher using his military knowledge to fix anything that’s wrong in the company, as he goes on his quest to ensure that everything is so well maintained that he will never have to fix back anything again.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back isn’t set in Singapore though – so we won’t be seeing do any of the wacky jobs above! Instead, we’ll see him returning to his old army camp (cyberpioneer has this awesome series on old army bases by the way) and discovering that gasp! He has been framed.

Check out Jack Reacher: Never Go Back as he dodges his captors and tries to find out who set him up, all the while thinking, “Sian, will never go back to this army camp again!”

 

Credits: Channel NewsAsia, ViralCrow, eOffice, InsuranceHotline.com, Yahoo!, HandyMan StartUp, Golden Village Cinemas