The Revenant sees experienced fur trapper Hugh Glass defeating wild beasts of all sorts in his mad quest for revenge. But if he had to traverse the wild landscapes where Singapore’s mascots roamed, he’d have been the one getting skinned for his fur. Ferocious grizzly bears have nothing on Singapore’s furry mascots, who may come across as cute little cuddly animals… but hide savage instincts. Here’s a look at six mascots who would never have let Hugh Glass become The Revenant (and left him as The Corpse In Five Parts instead).

1. Singa the Courtesy Lion

Singa the Courtesy Lion. Credit: Singapore Visual Archive

Singa the Courtesy Lion. Credit: Singapore Visual Archive

Firstly, Singa is a lion. Lion trumps bear any time – he’s the king of the animals after all! But Singa has several tricks up his sleeve. He’ll pull his courtesy shtick and ask Hugh Glass politely, “Please may I eat you?” Stunned at the sheer courtesy of a talking lion, he’ll be defenseless, and when Singa is done with his snack he’ll go “Thank you for letting me eat you.”

Don’t believe me? There’s a reason Singa’s shirt is red. It’s good at hiding red stains.

2. Teamy the Productivity Bee

Teamy the Productivity Bee. Credit: Singapore Memory Project

Teamy the Productivity Bee. Credit: Singapore Memory Project

Hugh might have all sorts of weapons to deal with gargantuan beasts of destruction, but I’m betting he doesn’t carry insect repellent around. He’ll be defenseless against a mosquito, let alone a bee. And bees travel in swarms, so he’ll have nowhere to hide.

Even so, he won’t be able to escape the dreaded bureaucracy of Teamy the Productivity Bee. Teamy will be harassing Hugh for his KPI (Key Performance Indicator) reports and WITs (Work Improvement Team Scheme) projects in between stings, and if all else fails, no AWS (Annual Wage Supplement) for Hugh!

3. Nila the Lion

Nila the Lion. Credit: Singapore Visual Archive

Nila the Lion. Credit: Singapore Visual Archive

Nila the Lion might be one of the younger mascots but that makes him no less deadly. Remember, he’s a lion (lion trumps bear) after all. Even worse, he’s a sportslion (the lion equivalent of a sportsman), since he’s the mascots for Singapore’s sports scene. His physical abilities are far beyond normal lions, just as athletes are physically superior compared to regular humans. So what Hugh Glass will be facing is a stronger, faster, tougher lion – that can kick his butt in soccer and basketball.

4. Sharity Elephant

Sharity Elephant. Credit: Youth.sg

Sharity Elephant. Credit: Youth.sg

Ever played animal chess? You know what animal defeats the lion?

The elephant. And if poor Hugh is no match for a lion, imagine how an elephant is going to flatten him. Just one stomp from Sharity and Hugh will find himself being trapped, rather than being the trapper.

You can even see how savage Sharity is from the photo above. Where did you think he got that giant heart from? It had to be ripped from the body of some sort of creature…

5 & 6. Lyo and Merly

Lyo and Merly. Credit: FrankieMalachi.com

Lyo and Merly. Credit: FrankieMalachi.com

Before you say I’m cheating for listing two mascots under one entry, remember that Lyo and Merly always come in a pair. Have you ever seen the lion-merlion duo separated? I thought not.

And because they’re always together, they can double team Hugh Glass faster than you can say “merlion.” Lyo will pin him down with his shaggy mane, while Merly will… merlion all over Hugh.

The Revenant poster. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

The Revenant poster. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

But of course, the real thrill comes in seeing how Leonard DiCaprio Hugh Glass fares against a gigantic grizzly bear that’s four times his size. It takes a very strong man to come back from what that bear did to him! Catch The Revenant, screening now!

Credits: Singapore Visual Archive, Singapore Memory Project, Singapore Visual Archive, Youth.sg, FrankieMalachi.com, Golden Village Cinemas