We all cringe when we see our parents dress up in cool clothing, since their definition of hip comes from the 1970’s. It’s horrifying to see what was fashionable almost 50 years ago, and for many of us, we’d rather order McDonald’s in than go out dressed like a bewildered time traveller from the 70’s.

After all, nobody tucks in their shirts anymore (unless you’re a student), and all those high-waisted bottoms look really, really strange these days. Even Ryan Gosling isn’t handsome enough to pull off chunky gold chains and bellbottom jeans, so what hope do us mere mortals have?

Here are five super obiang things from the 70’s that will make your hair stand. Some things cannot be unseen. You have been warned.

1. Long hair for men

Only Chris Hemsworth can pull off long hair. Credit: Mens-Hairstyle

Only Chris Hemsworth can pull off long hair. Credit: Mens-Hairstyle

It was actually cool for men to have long hair back in the 70’s. The problem is that men don’t condition and brush and maintain long locks the way women do, so it’s not a beautiful wave of silky hair that adorns their heads. It’s an oily, shaggy mess that’s supposed to evoke masculinity and boldness. Shoulder-length hair is borderline acceptable if you know how to style it, but anything longer than that is just… no.

Honestly, there’s only man who can pull off long hair, and that’s Chris Hemsworth (as Thor). Otherwise, everyone else should stay away from it.

2. Bell bottoms

The flare is larger than the waist. Credit: Bell Bottom Blog

The flare is larger than the waist. Credit: Bell Bottom Blog

It got so bad in the 70’s that virtually everyone looked like they stuck their feet through giant bowls that were attached to their pants. It’s like wearing two flouncy bridal gowns on your legs that flop around like dead fish. Contrary to what the advertisements showed you, bell bottoms didn’t come with built-in fans that would make the pants flare out.

The opposite, skinny jeans, aren’t much better, but at least they don’t flop around like unwanted towels.

3. Gigantic accessories

Accessories from the 70s had to be colourful and loud. (Credit: www.jewelry-portal.com)

Accessories from the 70s had to be colourful and loud. Credit: www.jewelry-portal.com

Chunky earrings! Massive spectacles! Gargantuan necklaces! Subtlety was not a hallmark of the 70’s, since every accessory could be spotted a mile away, even if it was midnight. Perhaps everyone’s eyesight was poor during that era, since contact lenses had yet to take off then (bet you didn’t know that Leonardo da Vinci first pioneered the idea of contact lenses!). But if you wore something in the 70’s, you had to make sure everyone could see it.

Ironically, ear stretching (where you distend your ear piercing to huge sizes) was not a part of the 70’s.

4. High waistlines

Her waist is at the same level as her elbows. Credit: Etsy

Her waist is at the same level as her elbows. Credit: Etsy

Everyone’s waist was above the navel in the 70’s due to two phenomena – all tops were tucked in, and all bottoms were pulled up as high as possible. While this was associated with the cool crowd in the past, dressing up like this will identify you as a nerdy introvert. Also, it had to be pretty uncomfortable doing casual activities in that getup!

No wonder suspenders were such a thing in the past.

5. Bright colours with floral and Hawaiian prints

My eyes. Credit: tenplay

My eyes. Credit: tenplay

Perhaps to celebrate the proliferation of colour television in the 70’s, everyone’s clothes became as loud and garish as possible. Every possible clashing colour would be squeezed onto clothes from that time, making the 70’s folk look like drunk rainbows. Big floral prints and Hawaiian designs were the best way to use such bright colours, so those were the prevailing patterns then!

Try submitting that as a design in a fashion school today.

Poster for The Nice Guys. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Poster for The Nice Guys. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

But if you’d like to relive the 70’s, there’s no better way than to watch The Nice Guys! Besides having Ryan Gosling in it, the film’s storyline is pretty interesting – he has to team up with Russell Crowe to solve the death of a porn star. Of course, The Nice Guys soon discover there’s more to the murder than just naughty videos.

Catch The Nice Guys and see if they manage to pull off 70’s fashion trends!

 

Credits: Mens-Hairstyles, Bell Bottom Blog, Pinterest, Etsy, tenplay, Golden Village Cinemas