Smurfs are so delightful. Only three apples high, and they can also cast little spells that make their lives easier. They’re basically blue garden gnomes who don’t live in a garden.

And they could rule the world if they wanted to.

Not a sight you see every day, that's for sure. Credit: The Smurfs' Village Facebook Page

Not a sight you see every day, that’s for sure. Credit: The Smurfs’ Village Facebook Page

No, I didn’t suddenly mistake Gargamel for the Smurfs. Seriously, it’s not Gargamel we need to worry about. It’s the Smurfs. They have all sorts of spells (especially Papa Smurf) that could be used to rule the world if they wanted to. They can accomplish things that even Voldemort won’t be able to. So here are some spells that the Smurfs could use to rule the world.

 

1. The Smurfy Touch

Smurfette can be too sweet sometimes. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

Smurfette can be too sweet sometimes. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

Don’t be fooled by its cutesy name. The Smurfy Touch is essentially the same as the Midas Touch, except that the user turns whatever he or she touches into smurfberry candy. Yes, that means that the user has a touch more deadly than a toddler with hand-foot-mouth disease.

Unlike the Midas Touch, which was gifted through divine means, the Smurfy Touch is a spell that can be replicated by mortals. You could have an entire army of soldiers who could turn everything they touch into smurfberry candy. Imagine turning the Merlion into smurfberry candy. Or worse, turning Indonesia’s forests into smurfberry candy trees.

We’d be stuck with the sickeningly sweet smell of burnt candy during the haze months if that happened.

 

2. Rejuvenation formula

Gargamel could qualify for Pioneer Generation benefits. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

Gargamel could qualify for Pioneer Generation benefits. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

Although Gargamel is the one who used it, Papa Smurf knows enough about the intricacies of the concoction that he could alter it to amplify its effects. You see, the rejuvenation formula was a spell that allowed two people to swap ages. The aged Gargamel used it to swap ages with his young apprentice Scruple, but Papa Smurf doubled the ingredients in the formula and caused Gargamel to age horribly while turning Scruple into an infant.

So if you put in enough ingredients, you could conceivably turn anyone into a person just one day away from passing away, or reducing them to a foetus. You could expand the lifespan of good people, or reduce the lifespan of inane presidents.

You would have the secret of longevity in your hands.

 

3. Yellow Hate Disease

The serum for the Yellow Hate Disease. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

The serum for the Yellow Hate Disease. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

This is a viral infection that is extremely contagious. Instead of physically debilitating the infected person, it amplifies their rage and anger. So it’s actually a disease that creates an instant angry mob. You could drop this in any crowded metropolitan area and watch as an entire city goes berserk. In fact, it would be worse than a zombie plague, since you’re dealing with angry humans who can probably run faster than any zombie.

The only saving grace is that a yellow X will form on your skin to show that you have contracted the Yellow Hate Disease, so you know who has been infected.

 

4. House Growing Spell

Imagine if Gargamel's castle increased in size. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

Imagine if Gargamel’s castle increased in size. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

This spell resides in Gargamel’s Great Book of Spells, and it basically allows the user to enlarge their house to gargantuan proportions. It became so big that Gargamel was barely able to push open the door, and if you want to try it yourself, here are the words. Take note that you’d also have to draw a diamond in the dust, eat bread with a mouldy crust, and stand on your elbows while saying it.

“Draw this diamond in the dust,
munch on bread with mouldy crust,
stand on your ear loafs perfectly still,
to get your dream house repeat if you will:
second mortgage, big forclosure, low down payment, high embrasure.”

So how could you rule the world with this spell? By casting it on all your nuclear silos. If a single nuclear warhead can cause so much damage, imagine how much worse a warhead ten times its size would be. Any country would become the undisputed master of nuclear weapons (or any other sort of weapon) with this spell.

 

5. Time Scrolls

Time travelling scrolls. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

Time travelling scrolls. Credit: Smurfs Wiki

The final season of the original Smurfs cartoon show saw the appearance of the Time Scrolls, which allowed the Smurfs to time travel. It was a forgotten relic of Grandpa Smurf (the Smurf with the yellow hat), and it was dangerous and unpredictable.

But time travel! Yes, you could go back in time and change the events of the past with your knowledge of the future. You could prevent (and commit) assassinations. You could also, of course, use your knowledge of the future to buy 4D.

In fact, that’s what most Singaporeans would do.

Smurfs: The Lost Village. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Smurfs: The Lost Village. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Thankfully, the Smurfs aren’t as evil as us (or maybe just me) when it comes to using the magical abilities at their disposal. They’re back in another animated adventure, Smurfs: The Lost Village, which sees Smurf chick Smurfette seeking out a lost village along with her three Smurf fans pals. While Smurfette and her three friends may sound disturbing like the outcome of a social media recruitment ad gone wrong, don’t worry, it’s just pure family fun with the Smurfs!

Also, it’s a reboot of the Smurfs movie series, so you don’t need to have watched the previous Smurfs movies to understand what’s happening!

 

Credits: The Smurfs’ Village Facebook Page, Smurfs Wiki, Smurfs Wiki, Smurfs Wiki, Smurfs Wiki, Smurfs Wiki, Golden Village Cinemas