Everyone knows Dracula, the Wolf Man, Frankenstein’s Monster, and so on – Hollywood has made them out to be fearsome creatures of the night which we mere mortals don’t stand a chance against. But that’s because they’ve never really been to Singapore and witnessed the horrors here. Heck, we’ve even got a 25-book series of True Singapore Ghost Stories – does that not tell you how many supernatural horrors lurk among us?

So let’s give our Singaporean monstrosities their due. In a fight, our Asian monsters would lay the smack down on those Hollywood nasties. Let’s check them out!

1. Pontianak vs Vampire

Pontianak vs Vampire. Credits: Creepypasta and Monsters and Creatures Wiki

Pontianak vs Vampire. Credits: Creepypasta and Monsters and Creatures Wiki

Vampires are kind of… non-threatening these days, especially the sparkly, angsty variety. But have you ever seen a pontianak being romanticised as a beautiful ethereal creature that a hapless protagonist fawns after for five movies? Nope.

Vampires suck blood, which pontianaks don’t have – but pontianaks devour internal organs, which vampires definitely have (stake through the heart kills them, remember?). It’s an easy victory for our dear pontianak here.

Plus, vampires have so many weaknesses! What weaknesses does a pontianak have that are easily available?

2. Kusu Island Turtle vs Clover (from Cloverfield)

KIT vs Clover. Credits: Cloverfield Wiki and Singapore Island Cruise

KIT vs Clover. Credits: Cloverfield Wiki and Singapore Island Cruise

Just to refresh your memory, legend has it that Kusu Island is actually a giant turtle that became an island to save some silly drowning sailors. That’s a really big turtle if you think about it! The one reason why KIT (Kusu Island Turtle) would defeat Clover is because Clover is just a child! It’s a frightened creature in an unfamiliar environment. KIT, on the other hand, has an indestructible shell, is amphibious, and has magical powers.

Clover will never stand a chance.

3. Orang Minyak vs Werewolf

Orang Minyak vs Werewolf. Credits: Myspace and Listverse

Orang Minyak vs Werewolf. Credits: Myspace and Listverse

If you don’t believe there’s an Orang Minyak (the Oily Man) in Singapore, go check out the newspapers in 1935. While a Werewolf is really just a muscular hairy guy with fangs, the orang minyak is a man who gave up his soul to win back his love. Orang minyaks cannot be restrained, because they’re so oily they’d slip out of any trap. Both are equally difficult to kill, but the orang minyak even more so. You need to bite its left thumb and cover it with batik to defeat it, while a Werewolf needs to be shot by a silver bullet.

An Orang Minyak with no left thumb would be invincible!

4. Gremlins vs Toyols

Gremlins vs Toyols. Credits: Reference and scaryforkids

Gremlins vs Toyols. Credits: Reference and scaryforkids

We all know the rules about keeping a mogwai – never get it wet and never feed it after midnight, lest it spawns into multiple gremlins. But what about a toyol? You have to feed it with human blood. You can already see a distinct difference between how the two are cared for. Toyols are created from the corpses of human fetuses, while gremlins just melt in the sunlight.

A movie about toyols wouldn’t be a horror comedy – it’d be a horror movie, period.

5. Langsuir vs Zombie

Langsuir vs Zombie. Credits: Isu-Isu Semasa 2016 and CNN Money

Langsuir vs Zombie. Credits: Isu-Isu Semasa 2016 and CNN Money

A langsuir is more like an immigrant monster from Malaysia, but foreign talents are still considered part of Singapore, right? (They do pay taxes.) Langsuirs are exclusively female revenants, unlike zombies (which can be of either gender), so you probably won’t get a langsuir apocalypse anytime soon. But while zombies eat brains, langsuirs go after infants, and can shapeshift into birds to do so. Yipes.

OK, I’ll bite – zombies would win here because of their sheer numbers. Sorry, langsuirs!

Sadako vs Kayako. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Sadako vs Kayako. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Since we’ve established that Asian monsters are generally more terrifying than Western monsters, what about a showdown between Oriental ghouls? That’s exactly what happens in the Sadako vs Kayako, which pits the two most awesome Japanese monsters against each other!

That’s right! A psychic decides to free a victim of Sadako’s curse and a victim of Kayako’s curse by pitting the two femme fatales against each other. Is The Ring scarier or Ju-On scarier? Will the plan work? Most importantly, who would win?

You’ll have to catch Sadako vs Kayako to find out! Remember to stay for the post credits scene, where the greatest terror of all lurks!

#TeamSadako or #TeamKayako?

 

Credit: Creepypasta, Monsters and Creatures Wiki, Cloverfield Wiki, Singapore Island Cruise, Myspace, Listverse, Reference, scaryforkids, Isu-Isu Semasa 2016, CNN Money, Golden Village Cinemas