Face it, the only place you wanted to go to in New York City when you were young were its sewers – because the Ninja Turtles lived there! Then you grew up and discovered that, eck, sewers are a pretty gross place to be mucking around looking for Ninja Turtles. New York City isn’t famed for having great sewers (they aren’t terrible, just not excellent either), so the Ninja Turtles should really think about moving.

Where to, you might ask? Singapore!

We’ve got a great sewer system, as evidenced by the fact that ponding only creates puddles of rainwater, and not puddles of things that were flushed down the toilet bowl. And we’ve got both Asian (sushi) and Western (pizza) food in abundance, so the Ninja Turtles and Splinter will never go hungry. So let’s hope that Leonardo and crew read this article and move to Singapore, so the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie takes place here!

Well, actually we hope Michael Bay reads this. Having Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 take place in Singapore would be totally rad!

1. Newater

Newater. Credit: Today Online

Newater. Credit: Today Online

Drinking water has got to be a problem in New York City, especially if you live in the sewers. But we have Newater! So all Donatello has to do is to, erm, “copy” the Newater purification technology and voila! Instant drinking water all around them. Not that we advocate the theft of intellectual property, mind you. I’m sure Donatello would be able to reverse engineer the Newater treatment process if he read up about it.

Also, we can drink water straight out of the tap!

2. Two separate sewer systems

Our future drains. Credit: WSP Parsons Brinckerhoff

Our future drains. Credit: WSP Parsons Brinckerhoff

Singapore has two separate sewer systems. One takes away everything that we flush down the toilet, while the other system takes away rain water and street water, and never shall the twain meet. What this means is that the Ninja Turtles can live in the street water/rain water drainage system, which is a lot more sanitary (and less smelly too, we might add). New York City, on the other hand, has a combined sewer system, so it all goes down the same pipes.

Might be a problem if there’s ponding again, but then, don’t Turtles swim?

3. Small country means fast food delivery

Pizza anyone? Credit: Pizza Hut

Pizza anyone? Credit: Pizza Hut

You can order from any pizza delivery outlet and they’ll get it to you within 45 minutes. In fact, food delivery services like foodpanda or Deliveroo promise to get it to you within 30 minutes sometimes! There’s no lack of pizza for our hungry Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

And those food delivery services mean that Splinter also gets to order sushi or cheese, depending on his mood. It’s a win-win situation for everyone!

4. A large Japanese community

Liang Court. Credit: Liang Court

Liang Court. Credit: Liang Court

Thanks to the many Japanese expatriates here, we have a thriving Japanese community in Singapore. Japanese restaurants and shops are everywhere. So Master Splinter won’t just be able to get his Japanese food fix, he’ll be able to get household items and decorations for the sewer lair. And all that ninja equipment (shuriken, katanas, nunchukus) need to be repaired/bought somehow, so what better place than a Japanese place?

And once Splinter learns about the wonders of Daiso, he’ll never leave Singapore.

5. The cosplay community

Cosplayers. Credit: Mothership

Cosplayers. Credit: Mothership

As Young & Fabulous taught us, Singapore has many energetic cosplayers attending the numerous conventions we have around the island. The Ninja Turtles can just pretend to be cosplayers and nobody will miss a beat, meaning they don’t have to slink around in trenchcoats. Worse comes to worst, they can just pretend to be really bad at cosplaying.

If they’re near a government agency, so much the better – they’ll be mistaken for the latest mascot for the latest campaign!

Poster for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Poster for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

But let’s take a reality check here – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows takes place in New York City, so that’s where the action happens in the movie! Catch the Turtles battling fan favourite characters like Bebop, Rocksteady, and Krang in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows!

Then answer this question – what’s the difference between their kind of mutants and the X-Men: Apocalypse kind of mutants?

 

Credits: Today OnlineWSP Parsons Brinckerhoff, Pizza Hut, Liang Court, Mothership, Golden Village Cinemas