Judging from the number of skincare commercials I’ve seen on YouTube, it seems that becoming young again is the dream of every Singaporean. It’s the main reason why a certain Japanese luxury skincare brand which claims that it can stall the ageing process charges $2.58 for every milligram of its anti-ageing cream.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could do a Benjamin Button and become young again? You would have firm and radiant skin again for nothing. You might get a few pimples along the way, but that’s an okay opportunity cost for fair and beautiful skin, right?

Well… except that there’ll be more serious repercussions than just teen acne. Especially because we live in Singapore. If you suddenly turned young again like Pam in Suddenly 20, you’ll be in serious trouble. Here’s why Singapore isn’t conducive for those who have found the Fountain of Youth.

1. You can’t watch NC16/M18/R21 films

Logan. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

You can’t watch Logan. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Cinema ushers are stalwart guardians of the theatre. They will not let young minds be traumatised by material that may be too heavy for them, and this basically means they’ll stop you if you look too young for the rating of the film. That means you can’t watch Logan. Are you sure your youth is worth sacrificing that?

You might not think that would cause a problem since you’ll have your IC (that will show your real age), but that’s another problem because…

2. You can’t use your IC

You'd have to deal with angsty ICA officers like Glenn Chua from Point of Entry. Credit: Point of Entry Facebook Page

You’d have to deal with angsty ICA officers like Glenn Chua from Point of Entry. Credit: Point of Entry Facebook Page

You won’t look anything like the picture on your IC. That means that people will think you’ve stolen your IC. That means that the ICA will come after you and make sure that you surrender your IC. Good luck explaining that you’ve turned into a younger version of yourself, especially if the ICA officer is going to be scowling at you like the fellow above.

Suddenly, being young doesn’t seem to have quite as many perks anymore.

3. You’ll fail your PSLE

Not your grandfather's MOE anymore. Credit: Ministry of Education Facebook Page

Not your grandfather’s MOE anymore. Credit: Ministry of Education Facebook Page

You may have gotten 4 A* for your PSLE, but that was a long, long time ago. You’ll need a lot more than just mugging your textbooks to even get a decent score for the PSLE, since almost every year, we get one insanely difficult question turning up in the PSLE. Do you know how heavy four $1 coins are? Do you?

That was a real PSLE Maths question, and if you can’t answer that, you’re really regretting being young again now, aren’t you?

4. You need to spend a lot of money on eating and drinking

You know you're a teenager when you're desperate enough to eat something like this. Credit: KFC Facebook Page

You know you’re a teenager when you’re desperate enough to eat something like this. Credit: KFC Facebook Page

Your metabolism might have slowed down to a snail’s pace, but it was certainly in overdrive when you were young. You ate like a whale because you were constantly hungry, and you burned all those calories like they were nothing.

But chicken rice is no longer $0.50 anymore (hello, what era were you born in?), and eating all that food is expensive. And remember, water prices went up too. So even just drinking water is going to cost you more.

5. You need to watch out for people recording you with their smartphones

No way those walls naturally had "Stomp" printed all over them. Credit: Stomp Facebook Page

No way those walls naturally had “Stomp” printed all over them. Credit: Stomp Facebook Page

If you’ve reverted back to a kid, you’re probably also more prone to doing foolhardy stunts. That was okay back in the 60’s since nobody carried around cameras in their pockets. But today, everyone has a cameras in their pockets. Do something stupid and it’ll get recorded and put on Stomp and every social media platform before you can Snapchat your friends.

The worst thing is that if Stomp gets ahold of it, they’ll plaster their intrusive watermark all over your photo and then add their big logo on top of it (note to Stomp guys: this is a bit overkill). What’s more embarrassing than a photo of you doing something stupid? A photo of you doing something stupid with the word “Stomp” repeatedly emblazoned all across it.

Suddenly 20. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Suddenly 20. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

You know what’s better than being young again? Watching someone else become young again! You can live vicariously through Pam in Suddenly 20 as she goes from 90-year-old geriatric to spry and fertile 20-year-old. This Thai remake of a 2014 Korean comedy promises to fulfill all your fantasies of youth while showing you to be careful of what you wish for.

Because if you were Suddenly 20, you woudn’t be able to watch R21 shows.

 

Credit: Point of Entry Facebook Page, KFC Facebook Page, Ministry of Education Facebook PageStomp Facebook Page, Golden Village Cinemas