Can you believe that the Star Trek reboot is already into its third movie, Star Trek Beyond? While nobody really knows what the movie is going to be about, besides the fact that they’ll encounter a villain the likes of which no-one has ever seen before, we do know one thing – the title.

And what an odd title it is. The crew of the Starship Entreprise hardly ever go near a star since, you know, they’d be vaporised. And they’re riding around in starship, which hardly makes it a trek (although it’s a very big starship, so it is quite a trek to go from one end to the other). So here are five reasons why that title is completely misleading, and how it would totally confuse aliens who watch the film, expecting to see astronauts hike across the Sun in mountain boots.

1. They don’t go near any star

Hot star - not the Taiwanese fried chicken franchise. Credit: Beyond Earthly Skies

Hot star – not the Taiwanese fried chicken franchise. Credit: Beyond Earthly Skies

And that’s a very simple reason – it’s very, very hot. The closest we can get to the nearest star, which is the Sun, is 1.3 million miles. And that’s in a spaceship. Granted, the Starship Enterprise is a futuristic, high tech spaceship, but even it wouldn’t be able to last in temperatures ranging above 2,500 degrees Celsius. They’d be cooked long before they can actually land on the Sun.

There might be an episode of Star Trek (or a novel?) where they land on a star, but it’s certainly not something they do on a regular basis in the movies.

2. A “trek” is defined as a “long, arduous journey”

Spock (Zachary Quinto) and McCoy (Karl Urban) on an treacherous, though not quite arduous, journey in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Spock (Zachary Quinto) and McCoy (Karl Urban) on an treacherous, though not quite arduous, journey in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

While you might think this sort of fits what Captain Kirk and crew do, since all their obstacles could be considered arduous, remember their mission. “To boldly go where no man has gone before.” If that’s your mission and you consider this a long, arduous journey, then you’re definitely not cut out to be part of the Federation. Maybe you should join the Klingons instead; they wage war on everything so it’s all ardour to them.

However, they do have a five-year mission, so it is kind of long.

3. They can’t actually “star trek” they way you could “mountain trek”

Scotty (Simon Pegg) and Kirk (Chris Pine) meet Jaylah (Sofia Boutella) in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Scotty (Simon Pegg) and Kirk (Chris Pine) meet Jaylah (Sofia Boutella) in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Again, any star is very hot. And when you say “[word] trek,” you’re actually describing the terrain that you’ll be trekking across. So in the case of a mountain trek – you’re trekking across a mountain. But a star? A star trek? We can’t even get near a star, let alone trek across it. Those aliens watching Star Trek are going to be completely bamboozled by what happens. There ain’t no trekking across no star in Star Trek.

It’s like how Skyfall is the name of James Bond’s house, and there were absolutely no falling skies (or satellites or meteorites) in that film. Such a disappointing title!

4. A “trek” is usually done on foot

Chekhov (the late Anton Yelchin) and Kirk are on foot here though, in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Chekhov (the late Anton Yelchin) and Kirk are on foot here though, in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

How do they travel in Star Trek? By ship. They certainly don’t walk from star to star (see above for why it’s not possible), and neither do they walk from planet to planet (again, impossible unless they can fly). Even on the planets themselves, they’re usually being teleported around rather than trekking across the planet. Where is the trekking in Star Trek? Where? Why do you make such false promises to us?

Tsk! So many deceptions in the title, Star Trek!

5. They NEVER finish their trek

The Starship Enterprise in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Extreme Tech

The Starship Enterprise in Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Extreme Tech

If you’ve ever been on an overseas posting, you’ll be thankful to come home, and it’ll usually be a long time before you take up another overseas posting again, because you want to spend time with your friends and family. Not the crew of Star Trek, no no no. Immediately after finishing one mission, they leap into the next one, effectively making it a never-ending trek. A normal trek has a definite end point, but our heroes are forever on their overseas posting.

No wonder the Klingons are so angry. They’re forever having to deal with tourists (the crew of the Starship Enterprise) who never seem to go home.

Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Star Trek Beyond. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Despite the title, we still love Star Trek Beyond – because it’s got all our fan favourite characters, like Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto), and token Asian Sulu (John Cho)! What will happen is still a mystery – but we’ve only got a few days left before we can join them on Star Trek Beyond ! So catch it in cinemas, and be prepared to see no trekking across any stars! It’s also one of the last film appearances of Anton Yelchin, who plays Chekov in Star Trek Beyond .

Rest in peace, Anton Yelchin.

 

Credits: Beyond Earthly Skies, Extreme Tech, Golden Village Cinemas