If you’re a tired, harried parent, chances are you’d want to go to the movies for some peace and quiet. But if you’ve got kids in tow, then you’re going to want to choose an animated film – no adult content there, right? Animated films are made for kids, there’s no way they’d put in a stray vagin –

No, wait. They did. And chances are, these are films you might have caught as a child, too! So here are some of the filthiest references sneaked into family favourite cartoons. You might not have seen them (or perhaps, you might not have understood what they meant at that time) but your subconscious certainly did. So if you’re wondering where you got that dirty mind from, it’s from the animated films you watched. These five, in particular.

1. The penis tower in The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid and the Giant Merpenis. Credit: Reel Rundown

The Little Mermaid and the Giant Merpenis. Credit: Reel Rundown

The Little Mermaid was so popular that when it got released on video tape (for you young ones, that’s the ancestor of the DVD), they designed a totally new cover for it. One that had a beautiful golden tower, sparkling with all the magnificence of a giant penis.

Free biology lessons courtesy of The Popping Post. Credit: Pinterest

Free biology lessons courtesy of The Popping Post. Credit: Pinterest

It might have been a coincidence… but then how come it’s proportionate with Ursula and King Triton, who are standing on either side of it? You know, the show never did get into the specifics of Ariel’s mother, and Ursula does behave like a scorned lover of King Triton. Could this possibly mean that Ariel was actually part octopus?

 

2. Sex stars in The Lion King

You know how Simba just can’t wait to be king in The Lion King? There’s one other thing that he just can’t wait for too, and it’s spelt out in the stars when he’s stargazing with Timon and Pumbaa. Remember that by this point, he’s already reached puberty, as evidenced by his infatuation with Nala later. So is this what the stars really say, or is it just Simba’s own desires being reflected in the stars?

Also, the stars kind of look like Simba spilled his seed all over the sky too. Considering he spent the whole night there, it has other, even more unfortunately implications. Lion spunk. Ergh.

 

3. The nude woman in The Rescuers

Keeping abreast of each other. Credit: Snopes

Keeping abreast of each other. Credit: Snopes

What’s up with home video releases and accidental pornography? In the home video version of The Rescuers, astute viewers can catch a glimpse of a naked woman (and by naked, we mean completely unobscured mammaries hanging for all to see) as Bernard and Bianca whiz by on a train. The problem is that this is a human woman we’re talking about, and in a film full of talking animals, she sticks out like a sore… thumb.

I would say she sticks out like something else, but that would irrevocably taint my memory of The Rescuers.

 

4. Jessica’s clean shaven vagina in Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit's rabbit hole. Credit: We Got This Covered

Jessica Rabbit’s rabbit hole. Credit: We Got This Covered

Jessica Rabbit is the voluptuous, sexy female lead of Who Framed Roger Rabbit and one of her hobbies is very clearly gardening. Except this isn’t the garden variety type of gardening we’re talking about. She also likes ensuring that her pets are kept smooth, in this case, her cat. We only get a quick glimpse of her cave of pleasure when she falls out of a car and spins around (like the cartoon character she is), but that’s enough to show how well maintained she is in between everything.

We’re guessing that’s Roger Rabbit’s favourite place too.

 

5. The penis-shaped bruise in Hercules

Gives a new meaning to blue balls. Credit: thetalkingpot

Gives a new meaning to blue balls. Credit: thetalkingpot

Now, penis-shaped bruises aren’t uncommon in cartoons. In fact, they’re almost a staple of animated features. An anvil falls on your head, and immediately after that a bruise grows into a bump that’s longer than your middle finger. But in Hercules, the animators take up a notch and really drive home the fact that the bump is a penis by adding testicles to the injury. All that’s lacking at this point is a tuft of pubic hair.

No, please don’t Photoshop that in!

Sausage Party. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

youu Sausage Party. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

So I guess animators got tired of sneaking in phallic jokes because they’ve made one entire movie that’s literally a walking penis joke! Sausage Party is a movie about talking food (talking animals is so passe now) that has the obvious sausage-as-a-dick reference, and his hotdog bun girlfriend has strategically placed lips that make her look exactly like a vagina. Since you put a hotdog into a bun, that means… I’ll stop explaining now.

If you’d like to put something in your mouth while watching Sausage Party (not advised since you’d be guffawing all the way plus, it’d really blow if you made a mess because your mouth was full when you laughed), catch the exclusive GV Movie Club Sausage Party before it even hits cinemas! You get a free sausage, a beer to get yourself wet, and some silky mashed potatoes.

Just don’t bring your kids.

 

Credits: Reel Rundown, Pinterest, Snopes, We Got This Covered, thetalkingpot, Golden Village Cinemas