It’s an uncomfortable but honest truth that humans in the Pokemon universe would eat Pokemon. We eat animals in the real world after all, and Pokemon are the animals of Johto, Kanto, and all the other islands in the Pokemon universe.

So how would they be cooked? While it’s rare to see Pokemon dishes in the main Pokemon series (it would be traumatising for children), likening them to real world dishes makes them a little bit more palatable. And with Pokemon Go existing in our universe now, perhaps we could have some augmented reality dishes that use cute Pokemon as ingredients.

Here are five Pokemon dishes that we’d like to eat. Since the Pokemon Cafe is re-opening on November 24, we’d be totally stoked if they adapted some of these dishes into their menu!

1. Chilli Krabby

Look at the sauce on that Chilli Krabby. Credit: We Love Cebu Facebook Page

Look at the sauce on that Chilli Krabby. Credit: We Love Cebu Facebook Page

Krabby is, well, a crab. So he’s got have some sweet, sweet Krabby meat in that shell. Combine that with our national delicacy, chilli crab, and you’ll get a Chilli Krabby. Since Krabby and chilli crabs are orange in colour, with a little bit of work, you can even get your Chilli Krabby to form the shape of a Krabby. And since a Krabby is a hefty 6.5 kg, that’ll mean you could feed a large family with a Chilli Krabby and still have some left over!

For an even more decadent dish, how about some Chilli Kingler?

2. Peking Psyduck

Crispy Peking Psyduck. Credit: Hakkasan Miami Facebook Page

Crispy Peking Psyduck. Credit: Hakkasan Miami Facebook Page

A Psyduck is really more like a platypus than a duck, but since it’s been over 20 years since he debuted, it’s unlikely that they’ll be changing his name to Psyplatypus any time soon. It’s going to be difficult to catch a Psyduck too, since his psychic powers mean that he’ll know you’re coming to catch him and roast him.

But imagine a Peking Psyduck! He’s got no feathers, meaning you can roast him to a crunchy crisp and tear off that sumptuous skin when you’re done. Plus, you might very well gain psychic powers if you eat a Peking Psyduck. You are what you eat, right?

3. Sambal Tentacruel

Sambal Tentacruel anyone? Credit: Bibi Can Cook Facebook Page

Sambal Tentacruel anyone? Credit: Bibi Can Cook Facebook Page

Tentacruel are like jelly fish, so their bodies probably won’t taste great. But look at their tentacles! Those long fleshy appendages look like they’d be tasty if you chopped them up into small rings and then stir-fried them with sambal. Preferably on a hot plate too, with a small lime by the side to add extra zing to the dish.

Tentacool only have two tentacles, so they wouldn’t be worth catching. But then, they are younger, so maybe their flesh would be softer and sweeter?

4. Oyster Exeggcute

Look at how well fried that Oyster Exeggcute is! Credit: Daniel's Food Diary Facebook Page

Look at how well fried that Oyster Exeggcute is! Credit: Daniel’s Food Diary Facebook Page

Imagine an oyster omelette with six times the number of eggs. That might be bad for your cholesterol, but it would be fantastically rich and oily. That’s what an Oyster Exeggcute would taste like! With six eggs in every Exeggcute, your Oyster Exeggcutes are going to be one of the most sinful dishes around.

It goes well with a Sambal Tentacool too, I heard.

5. Curry Jigglypuff

Steaming hot Curry Jigglypuff. Credit: Oven & Stove Facebook Page

Steaming hot Curry Jigglypuff. Credit: Oven & Stove Facebook Page

Finally, we have an awesome new ingredient for Old Chang Kee – Curry Jigglypuff! Instead of using the usual chicken or tuna, how about using Jigglypuff meat inside it? Jigglypuff looks like a sweet (literally) Pokemon, so the Curry Jigglypuff would be a savoury type of puff that could complement their other offerings.

The Curry Jigglypuff could even come in the shape of a Jigglypuff too! Pink food dye would look a little strange, though.

Pokémon The Movie: Volcanion And The Mechanical Marvel. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Pokémon The Movie: Volcanion And The Mechanical Marvel. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

If you’d rather watch Pokemon than eat them, then head to the cinemas to catch Pokémon The Movie: Volcanion And The Mechanical Marvel instead! Ash and friends return in this film that sees not one, but two mythical Pokemon – the eponymous Volcanion and Magearna. Will they be able to stop the exploitation of Magearna, or will disaster befall the land?

I’ll think about that over some Sambal Tentacool.

 

Credits: We Love Cebu Facebook Page, Hakkasan Miami Facebook Page, Bibi Can Cook Facebook Page, Daniel’s Food Diary Facebook Page, Oven & Stove Facebook Page, Golden Village Cinemas