It’s hard to fathom how a zombie virus could possibly spread in Singapore – look at how we dealt with SARS and Zika. Our country wipes out and contains any and all infections with the manic efficiency of a housewife before Chinese New Year. Even the World Health Organisation and the United Nations called Singapore a role model for handling Zika cases.

Yet you can still find staggering, bleary-eyed zombies if you look hard enough. Not the undead kind, of course, but the kind of zombie that has a single-minded dedication to a specific task. Nothing can stand in the way of these types of zombies, and woe betide anyone who gets between a zombie and whatever it’s looking for.

So here are the five types of zombies you’ll spot in Singapore! Have you seen all of them?

1. Coffee zombies

Clutching the coffee tightly. Credit: Pexels

Clutching the coffee tightly. Credit: Pexels

For many people, coffee acts as a stimulant that helps them wake up in the mornings. If they don’t have one, it’s okay. They’ll still survive, albeit with a little less energy.

But for a very special group of people, coffee is a necessity. Their one waking desire is to get a cup of joe to fuel them until their next intake of caffeine. Without it, they stagger around helplessly until some of that bitter black liquid flows down their throats.

Then they’re normal again. Well, as normal as any Singaporean can be, that is.

2. Facebook zombies

Stop looking at your phone. Credit: Pexels

Stop looking at your phone. Credit: Pexels

The smart phone is one of the greatest inventions of our era, since we essentially carry a mini-computer in our pockets that connects us with the rest of the world. We can use it to find virtually any information we desire and we can even communicate, in real time, with anyone else who has similar device (and that’s almost everyone).

So it’s perfectly natural that one of the most common uses for the mobile phone is to check out other people’s photos and find out more gossip about them through Facebook. In fact, it’s so engrossing that you can frequently find these Facebook zombies with their heads arched downwards such that they headbutt anyone in their way, and develop chronic wrist pain and shoulder ache, as well as tell-tale wrinkles around their jawline.

3. Buffet zombies

Eat all the food! Credit: Pexels

Eat all the food! Credit: Pexels

Eating is our national past time, but some people take it to another level. They will strategically map out the layout of a buffet counter before attacking it with such ferocity, you’d swear that the dishes were really live animals. These are the buffet zombies.

They always lie in wait for the popular dishes, like oysters, crabs, or anything seafood. Once the wait staff place the new tray of food down (or sometimes even before), they’ll pounce on it and sweep up platefuls of the stuff, leaving scraps for those in their wake. Stand in the way of a buffet zombie and you’ll hear their loud screams of “aiyah!” as they push their way forward for the attack.

Slow down lah, the food is literally not going to run away.

4. Great Singapore Sale zombies

So. Many. People. Credit: Here-There-Everywhere – This-That-Everything

So. Many. People. Credit: Here-There-Everywhere – This-That-Everything

Our other national past time, shopping, also produces incredibly stubborn zombies. Unlike the others, these Great Singapore Sale zombies come in hordes. Have you ever seen OG during the Great Singapore Sale? There are so many people that you have to wade through that sometimes, the discounts are really not worth the stress of dealing with the crowd.

But for some, that discount is worth it (especially if you can get a 90% discount). And for them, that’s when the urge for discounts take over and they turn into Great Singapore Sale zombies.

5. Zombie movie zombies

Alice (Milla Jovovich) and her human friends Claire (Ali Larter) and Abigail (Ruby Rose) in Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Alice (Milla Jovovich) and her human friends Claire (Ali Larter) and Abigail (Ruby Rose) in Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

And then there are those zombies who love zombie movies so much that they’ll pre-book tickets before the film is even out so they can catch it as soon as possible. Regardless of whether it’s a Korean, American, British, or Japanese zombie film, as long as there’s mindless bloody undead, they’ll be watching it.

You should see the look in their eyes as they watch films like Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. That soulless, unfeeling gaze, fixated on the evisceration happening on the screen, eerily mimics the soulless, unfeeling gaze of the zombies in the film.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Credit: Golden Village Cinemas

If you don’t believe me, check out Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. For loyal followers of the Resident Evil series (this is the sixth one by the way), you’ll know that Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is anything but a final chapter (contrary to what the studios might say). There’ll definitely be another Resident Evil movie, be it as a remake or a continuation of the series.

But it might be a long time before we get another one, so be sure to catch Resident Evil: The Final Chapter in cinemas and find out how Alice (Milla Jovovich) finally takes down the evil Umbrella Corporation and saves the world, or what’s left of it, from the zombie-creating T-virus!

Credits: Pexels, Pexels, Pexels, Here-There-Everywhere – This-That-Everything, Golden Village Cinemas